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"Oyl Hands on Deck"
Story by Chuck Anders.
Art by Donnie Pitchford
"Swee'pea, set a course for the Goon Galaxy. Hurry!"
"Glop!" came the acknowledgement. "Mr. Poopdeck, get us out of here at maximum warp. Make it so."
"The engines ain't workin', ye beanpole. An' who put ye in charge anyway?"
Pressing her combadge, Olive contacted the engine room.
"Geezil," she said. "The explosion knocked out our engines. We have to get out of here before the Hag sends reinforcements. How long before we have power?"
"Pooey!" came the response, "These engines are flies in my soup."
"How long will it take to fix it?" Olive asked.
"You want I should fix it? I don't know from starships. George Geezil cobbles shoes. Your shoes I can fix. Bring 'em down."
"Wimpy," Olive said, "you're the science officer. Go to the engine room and see what you can do."
"Keep the Wimpy boy out of my engine room!" shrieked Geezil's voice from the intercom. "He should be killed to death!"
"In that case," said Wimpy, "I'd be happy to help. Eugene can accompany me." He and the Jeep disappeared into the turbolift.
"Alice," said Olive, "send a message to Earth and report on our condition." The Goon began humming incoherently into her microphone.
"Never mind," said Olive, "I'll do it myself."
Alice shrugged her massive shoulders and stepped back from the communications console. Olive sat down and began to transmit.
"Attention Earth. This is the S.S. Olive. We have been damaged. We're working to repair our engines. We have everything under control but request assistance. Bluto is our prisoner. He's locked in the brig."
"I wouldn't bet on that, baby."
Everyone turned to see the enormous bulk of Bluto blocking the turbolift hatchway.
"Popeye, help! Bluto's loose!" Olive screamed into the microphone just before it was torn from her grasp. Bluto laughed as he crushed the microphone in his bare hand.
"That one-eyed runt can't help you." he said. "The Star Hag is keeping him busy." He pointed to Pappy at the helm. "Back away from that wheel, you old goat. I'm taking over this ship."
Olive's eyes narrowed as she gave her next command.
"GET HIM!!!"
Alice and Pappy attacked Bluto's upper body while Swee'pea went for his legs. Everything was a tremendous blur of movement. The sound of fists meeting flesh was sickening. Loose furniture was flying in every direction.
"Red Alert!" Olive screamed into her combadge. "Security to the bridge! Wimpy, Bluto's escaped! We need help up here! Hurry!!"
"I beg pardon?" came the calm reply. "You must mean somebody else. There's nobody here but us Joneses."
"Geezil! Olive shouted. "Come to the bridge and help recapture Bluto!"
"George Jones here. Who's calling please?"
Olive became frantic. "Eugene, help!"
Instantly, the mini-transportation officer materialized on the bridge. He growled and pointed his yellow tail at Bluto. Bolts of electricity shot out of the end and hit Bluto in the chest. The pirate howled with pain and rage but wouldn't quit. Pappy, Alice and Swee'pea all quivered as the electricity traveled from Bluto's body into theirs.
"Miss Oyl!" came Wimpy's voice from the intercom. "I have some important news but I think you should sit down first."
"We don't have time to sit down Wimpy." said Olive, "What is it?"
"I'm afraid I must insist that you all have a seat, please."
Bluto had finally worn his attackers down. The electricity which only enraged him had weakened them. Bluto held a groggy Alice by her neck in one hand and had Pappy in a headlock. Only Swee'pea continued to gnaw on Bluto's ankle.
"Surrender before I snap this old coot's neck like a carrot stick," he bellowed.
"Don't gives up," came Pappy's muffled voice from Bluto's armpit. "I got 'im right where I wants 'im!"
"Very well, Bluto," said Olive. "We give up." She sadly walked to a chair and sat down.
"That's better," said Bluto with a laugh. He slammed Alice in a seat and strapped her in with the seatbelt across her arms. He did the same with Pappy. Swee'pea climbed on Olive's lap, spitting out pieces of Bluto's pant leg. The Jeep bared his teeth at Bluto then faded and disappeared.
"Now then," said Bluto, "send a message to that sorry excuse for a sailor on Earth. Tell him I've got his ship and crew so he'd better not try anything. I'll maroon most of the crew on the first planet we see. But sweet cheeks is coming with me."
"I ain't goin' nowhere's with you!" yelled Pappy.
"Not you, old man. Olive!"
"Never!" she said. "I won't go anywhere with you!"
"There's not much you can do about it, baby." Bluto replied. "Now, how about a kiss?"
As Bluto puckered up and leaned toward Olive, the ship suddenly lurched into warp drive. The crew was thrown back in their seats, and being the only unsecured body on the bridge, Bluto flew into the bulkhead with a wet splat. He crumpled to the deck in a heap, a large bump rising on his forehead. Olive sprang into action.
"Swee'pea, take over the helm and take us into that nearby gas cloud. We can hide there for now. I'll let Alice and Poopdeck loose."
"I don't need yer help, ye lath-legged shemale!" said Pappy. "I told ye I had it under control."
Olive released them anyway as Swee'pea stood on a chair, steered the ship into the nebula and stopped. The ship was obscured by the swirling gasses.
"You two take Bluto back to the brig and this time guard him," ordered Olive.
As Pappy and Alice dragged Bluto to the turbolift, the doors parted with a swoosh and Wimpy emerged.
"Wimpy," Olive said, "that was good work. I knew you could do it."
"That's why I wanted everyone to sit down," said the science officer. "I only wanted Bluto standing."
"What was the problem with the engines?" asked Olive.
"Someone kicked the plug out of the wall socket"
"As a reward," said Olive, "I'm giving you 100 extra replicator points."
"Thank you too much, but I prefer cash. The replicators on this ship only serve spinach and orchids, and Roughhouse doesn't give credit in the galley."
"Glop. GLOP!" the substitute helmsman exclaimed.
"Swee'pea says a ship just came out of warp at our old position. It appears to be looking for our ship," said Olive. "They can't see us in this cloud. It must be the Star Hag. Aim a torpedo. We'll hit her while she's not looking."
"Glop!" Swee'pea pressed the appropriate switches.
"Fire torpedo!"
A glowing green object shaped like a giant fist shot out of the bow of the ship and streaked directly toward the mystery ship.
"GLOP GLOP GLOP GLOP GLOP!!!" Screamed Swee'pea.
"Oh my goodness! Swee'pea says that's Popeye's shuttle! He must have gotten our message and come to help. Abort the torpedo, quick!"
But it was too late. The torpedo struck the ship with a tremendous explosion, completely obliterating it in a ball of fire.
The three crew members stood in stunned silence. No one wanted to believe what they'd just done....
EPISODE 1
EPISODE 2
EPISODE 3
EPISODE 4
EPISODE 5
EPISODE 6
EPISODE 7
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