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"Nice Guys Spinach Last"
Story by Dave Artman.
Art by Donnie Pitchford
"Now, Wimpy," he hissed, "now has the day of my revenge finally come."
"Wimpy?" his prisoner replied. "You must be mistaken. Jones is my name. I'm one of the Jones boys."
Koko stopped laughing, surprised. "Jones? Oh, my. I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Jones. There's been a dreadful - HEY!" Koko pointed at the baby on Wimpy's back. "I know that kid. That's Swee'pea! That means you HAVE to be -
"Fortunately, the Jeep had finally been able to locate Wimpy's communicator signal. Koko screeched in fury as Wimpy and Swee'pea dematerialized before his very ink-dots.
The three officers of the S.S. Olive reassembled safely aboard ship. "Jeep! Jeep! Jeep!" the little yellow transporter officer commented.
"Why yes, Eugene," Wimpy replied, "Now that you mention it, Koko did have ink for brains."
"Glop!" Navigator Swee'pea added. The two bridge officers entered the turbolift and returned to the command crew. The captain tenderly took Swee'pea in his arms.
"Firsk Officer Wimpy," Popeye said, "I just want ya to know I yam not mad at yer derilikshen of duty." He gave Wimpy a hug. "This is for bringin'Swee'pea back safe."
SOCK! Popeye's fist glanced off Wimpy's face. "An" this is for endangerin' me boy kid inna firsk place!"
"I'm certainly glad he is not mad at me," Wimpy muttered, strolling back to
his post with a black eye.
"Bah! Wimpy! He should be phasered to pieces!" Chief Engineer Geezil yelled. "Enough funny bizness!" Captain Popeye snapped. "We gots to get on with our missun an' find the Spinach planet." He turned to his hulking communications officer. "Alice, the Goon Galaxy belongs to yer people. Does ya have any idear where the Spinach Planet might be?"
Alice considered the question carefully for some time, then replied in incomprehensible Goonspeak.
"Eugene!" Popeye yelled in anger, "Where's the Universkal Transtator!?"
"Jeep! Jeep!" Eugene said.
Popeye plopped down in the captain's chair. "It's a fine ship wheres I can't unnerstan' me own crew without a Universkal Transtator. I yam disgustipated." Still smarting over seeing Popeye in the arms of President Boop, Yeoman Olive came up from behind and put her arms around her commanding officer.
"Don't get upset, honey. Why don't we go off duty?" Popeye yelped. "Avast, Yeoman Olive," he stammered, turning beet-red, "not in front of me crew!"
"I told ye shemales wuz trouble aboard ship, son," Helmsman Pappy called out from his station. "You keep out of this, you old goat," Olive shot back. This naturally infuriated Poopdeck, who got out of his chair and advanced on his nemesis. "Keep a civil tongue in yer head, beanpole," he snapped. "I outranks ye."
"You mean you're ranker than me!" Olive sneered.
"THAT'S IT!!" Captain Popeye bellowed. "All han's stan' to afore I smacks ya down a hatch!!" Startled, everyone scrambled to get to their posts. Wimpy," the captain ordered, "talks to Alice an' find out what she knows. Helm, get this ship unnerway. Geezil, I wants maxeemum speed."
The S.S. Olive shot forward through space, its cowed crew paying strict attention to their instruments.
A short distance away, a tall, thin hooded figure silently watched the image of Popeye's ship on a viewscreen. The silence was broken as a door slid aside and the massive bulk of Bluto entered the bridge. "Sea Hag, the soldiers are ready to -," he began before the figure spun around and cut him off.
"Star Hag! It's Star Hag now, you buffoon; the last True Witch of the Starry Seas."
"Yeah, whatever," the bloodthirsty Bluto rumbled. "Anyway, the Cling-on and Roamalot soldiers are ready to attack the one-eyed runt's ship anytime we give the signal."
"Ainck ainck ainck," the witch cackled. "It's all proceeding according to plan. When we stole Earth's spinach, I knew they'd send that wharf rat Popeye to find the Spinach Planet. And as long as our ship's cloaked, we have the total element of surprise. We'll blow that ship to kingdom come!"
"Except for Yeoman Olive Oyl," her pirate partner reminded her. "She's mine." "Yes, yes, you can have that shrewish twig," the Hag replied. "Although I don't know why you'd want her, when you could be sampling my charms." And the Hag shape-shifted into the appearance of Jane Jetson.
"Enough of that, Haggy! I still know it's you underneath Concentrate on business."
The Hag's cloaked ship, the Black Barnacle II, picked up speed until it paralleled the course of the S.S. Olive. Then it slid over right next to Popeye's ship, ready to send dozens of vicious soldiers aboard their unsuspecting target!.....
EPISODE 1
EPISODE 2
EPISODE 3
EPISODE 4
EPISODE 5
EPISODE 6
EPISODE 7
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